Love Hurts

I wonder why I fall so hard. Some say because I have such a big heart. But I wonder... if I have a such a big heart why that gives guys permission to hurt it even more. I am ready to find someone who isn't a liar. who isn't a cheater. who isn't abusive. who isn't just plain awful. I want someone who will put up with my goofy car dancing, my off key singing, share my dreams, inspire me, challenge me, and be my other half. I am ready for true love... if it even exists. I just don't want to be tricked again and have my heart hurt.
I hope one day I can find that. Until then... I will always remember what my roommate, Lauren, always told me.. "I am a strong confident woman of God."

Happy Birthday Granmary

Today is my Granmary's Birthday. Usually I would call her around noon on October 20 but today I could not do that. My Granmary is up in heaven with Granarrel. I lost her last December and even 10 months later it still doesnt seem real that she is gone. I miss her so much. Every time I eat Cheese toast, 4 bowls, ice cream and cookie dough I always think of her. We had small traditions that I don't go a day without thinking about. This will be the first year I have not carved pumpkins with her, I wont be able to put her Christmas lights up on her porch this year, and I wont put the Angel I got her on top of her tree, and I can't watch our favorite shows together anymore. My life would not be the same without her. I have learned so much from her and she was such a beautiful person.
When I was little I would call her before school and ask her to make me waffles. She would watch me across the street and greet me at the door and the house would smell of delicious waffles and syrup. Even after school I would call her up and she would watch me across and I would go into my craft room and bring out the paints and paper and put it on the kitchen floor and paint a masterpiece (as good a 5 year old could paint) She is also the one who got me hooked on all the crime shows. We would sit and watch hours and hours of Diagnosis Murder, CSI, & Matlock. Spending time with her was like escaping reality. I would be there for hours and not even realize it.
There are so many memories I have with her and so glad she was in my life. I might miss her everyday but I have the memories to hold on to.
I miss you Granmary!!!

Eatin 4 bowls and Salsa... Obviously a favorite! :)

I loved walking across her porch. She would hold my hand and help me balance 

Granarrel and Granmary :) This was about 2 years before Granarrel died. He was still in the kitchen and not in a hospital bed. That is how I remember him best. 

Granarrel and Granmary when they got married. This was in the paper :)

She was always smiling :)

                                                      I loved giving Granarrel kisses!!